Post Script

Ah, the joys of marriage.

Being only two and a half years in, I am still learning every day, and boy, do I still have alot to learn. (Too bad alot isn't a word.)

Yesterday my husband and I shared a wonderful day. We ate lunch at his parents' house, spent a little time with our 3 year old nephew, went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, did a little grocery shopping, ate dinner together, watched the Sex and the City movie on t.v. (without being forced against his will). Nice, relaxing, enjoyable time spent together.

Then I got up to get some juice from the fridge.

He just had to complain that I left the refrigerator open while pouring my drink, and I just had I tried to defend my actions (was it really that big of a deal? was I really wasting that much more electricity?). Before I know it he's angry, I'm angry. Blah. Good day down the crapper.

Often after these spats I try to step back and take a look at our relationship. In so many ways I am the man and he is the woman. He is the planner, the organizer. And he is the one who nags and complains. I tend to be more go with the flow, even a little impulsive at times. I tend to react and sometimes be passive-aggressive instead of straightforward. For being a therapist, I am pretty crappy at communication, at least at being straightforward and direct. Often it seems that my husband overcompensates by being, in my opinion, too forward and direct.

But in many ways I am the woman. I am the one who does the dishes and laundry. I clean the house, which I actually like to do when I have the time. I run on emotions, at least when I am home (hopefully less so at work).

And in many ways he is the man. He is the "fixer" of all things broken, whether it be a tile, a shower door, or plans. He does most of the outdoor stuff, like the mowing, the trimming, the car-related repairs. He runs on rationalism and logic, in fact I dare say that Spock is his idol.

And some days, most days, most of the time, it all meshes. But then, every once in awhile, we hit a snag.

They say communication is the key to a good relationship. I think it is one of the keys, but so is ultimate patience, forgiveness, humility, acceptance, and selflessness. Seesh! That's a tall order! And trust me, none of those traits come easy all the time.

So, I know we'll hit sore spots, snags, and snaffoo's. But I also know in 2 1/2 years of marriage and 5 years together that getting through all of the tough times has ultimately brought us closer and, hopefully, more tolerant and understand of our differences. After all, some of those differences is what initially attracted us to each other in the first place!

Salad dressing

I was recently contemplating how the recent flurry of craziness in my life (work being crazy and mom being sick) has actually helped me and my husband to grow closer. Not that we were drifting far apart, but we had been settling into a routine that limited some of our communication as of late. You know, get home from work late, eat, watch t.v., check email and facebook, go to bed, day after day. We were becoming a little complacent. With so much going on, suddenly we were talking more about many things, emotional things, important things. Through the struggles we find our true blessings.

He's been a great source of love and support and I feel truly grateful to have him.

We are pretty different personality-wise, my husband and I. Some days, we complement each other beautifully, like oil and vinegar, or peanut butter and jelly (or better yet, chocolate).

Today was a beautiful, salad dressing like day til about an hour ago.

Then suddently it was more like oil and water.

Sigh.

Marriage...

As promised earlier this week, I was going to write a post reflecting on my two years of marriage. Finally today I have a little free time to relax and reflect.

It seems ages ago, that fateful day when we met. We met at work. I never thought I would seriously date someone with whom I worked. One summer long ago my high school boyfriend and I had worked in the same factory; since then I had had crushes on co-workers and even went on one or two dates with co-workers, but that was during the time I worked at Sears, not at a full-time, professional job.

So there I was, fresh out of grad school, my second week of work. I didn't have any clients yet, I was in my office reading manuals and really pretty bored. I had met all of my other co-workers during my first week except this guy whose office was across the hall from mine, my new boss told me he was on vacation. So when this mystery guy finally appeared, he was busy and I got glimpses of him taking clients in and out of his office. Tall. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Hmmm. I was interested.

I can't remember now if it was that first day or the next when I boldly and uncharacteristically went over to his office, knocked on the door, and introduced myself. We talked briefly, and I remember him being friendly but surprisingly open and rather blunt. I left his office feeling off balance, like "what just happened?"and "who does this guy think he is?" I wasn't sure if I really liked him or really didn't. I just knew he was different than most any other guy I had ever met.

A friendship developed. We started talking more and more, and then spending time together outside of the office. But I had recently been blown off by another guy who I had been seeing off and on over the past year, and was still focused on that person and those feelings. I opened up to Michael about that guy and realized it was time to let go of that whole emotional baggage and move on. Maybe it was so I could move on to him.

We took a long walk on a humid summer night and talked about so many different things. Some where along the way we admitted growing feelings for each other...and well, the rest is history. Or actually, more accurately, the present.

That was nearly five years ago. Now it is hard to imagine a time we weren't together. I notice sometimes starting to take for granted that I have someone to go to bed with, wake up with, laugh with, cry with, and just share life with. But as I sit and recall the early days of our relationship, a reminder of the time when our lives weren't intertwined, I realize the beauty and blessings of being married. I am guilty of not enjoying every day and thanking God for every day I have been given with my husband, but as I look back, I see how much we've grown, how we've become more understanding, more tolerant. We challenge each other often, we differ, we disagree, but through this is always growth. And of course there is room to grow even more.

Here's to many, many more.

This past week

Ah, it's been a long, mixed up week. Here's a synopsis of all of the things going on since I last wrote....

*Work--chart audits = stress!! But, thank goodness, the audit was not as bad as I thought it would be. I imagined a workplace full of tension and stress and it seemed fairly normal. But the rest of the week I was dealing with a few client crises and chronically annoying situations that I just need to suck it up and deal with once and for all! However, one night after work I did go out for dinner with some co-workers to Rock Bottom. We vented and exchanged stories about my supervisor (who is unanimously voted as the worst boss in history!) I tried some kind of wheat ale and realized fancy beer isn't my thing (I like an occasional Corona or Bud Lite or Blue Moon.) Either way it was nice to socialize with co-workers, who I am around all the time but we are all so busy it's hard to take time to enjoy each other's company!

*Our Anniversary--Tuesday was my 2nd wedding anniversary. I had planned to write a whole blog reflecting on two years of marriage, and I still plan to, just haven't gotten to it yet. My husband and I went out the weekend before, so the actual anniversary wasn't much of anything special, we both worked late shifts. I had hoped when I got home from work that perhaps my husband might have gotten me flowers (I bought him some candy and a small present), but alas there were none. Flowers are so cliched but don't they just make your day??

*My Mom--For the past few weeks my mom has been undergoing various medical tests. She passed out a few weeks ago and was feeling dizzy, so her doctor wanted to find out why. Now, to explain, my mom is 60 and is in pretty poor overall health. She has a combination of mental and physical health problems so intertwined it's difficult to say what her primary problem is. She's got depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, all of which have lead to ulcers in her stomach and esophagus, leading to acid reflux and more problems eating and digesting food. These problems have been going on as long as I can remember. Over my lifetime, she had a few surgeries to repair the opening of her stomach, which was scarred and irritated, and back in 2003 they removed a majority of her stomach because it was so scarred. I love my mom, but over my entire lifetime I have never really seen her take good care of herself and am accepting that she isn't going to start now. My husband and I went to visit her and my dad this past weekend, and I can't help but starting to emotionally detach from her. This situation has been weighing heavily on my mind, and I feel guilty for feeling this way.

Oh yeah, and it snowed again, and it's April! At least today felt more like spring. But I was spending it at work.