Post Script

Ah, the joys of marriage.

Being only two and a half years in, I am still learning every day, and boy, do I still have alot to learn. (Too bad alot isn't a word.)

Yesterday my husband and I shared a wonderful day. We ate lunch at his parents' house, spent a little time with our 3 year old nephew, went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, did a little grocery shopping, ate dinner together, watched the Sex and the City movie on t.v. (without being forced against his will). Nice, relaxing, enjoyable time spent together.

Then I got up to get some juice from the fridge.

He just had to complain that I left the refrigerator open while pouring my drink, and I just had I tried to defend my actions (was it really that big of a deal? was I really wasting that much more electricity?). Before I know it he's angry, I'm angry. Blah. Good day down the crapper.

Often after these spats I try to step back and take a look at our relationship. In so many ways I am the man and he is the woman. He is the planner, the organizer. And he is the one who nags and complains. I tend to be more go with the flow, even a little impulsive at times. I tend to react and sometimes be passive-aggressive instead of straightforward. For being a therapist, I am pretty crappy at communication, at least at being straightforward and direct. Often it seems that my husband overcompensates by being, in my opinion, too forward and direct.

But in many ways I am the woman. I am the one who does the dishes and laundry. I clean the house, which I actually like to do when I have the time. I run on emotions, at least when I am home (hopefully less so at work).

And in many ways he is the man. He is the "fixer" of all things broken, whether it be a tile, a shower door, or plans. He does most of the outdoor stuff, like the mowing, the trimming, the car-related repairs. He runs on rationalism and logic, in fact I dare say that Spock is his idol.

And some days, most days, most of the time, it all meshes. But then, every once in awhile, we hit a snag.

They say communication is the key to a good relationship. I think it is one of the keys, but so is ultimate patience, forgiveness, humility, acceptance, and selflessness. Seesh! That's a tall order! And trust me, none of those traits come easy all the time.

So, I know we'll hit sore spots, snags, and snaffoo's. But I also know in 2 1/2 years of marriage and 5 years together that getting through all of the tough times has ultimately brought us closer and, hopefully, more tolerant and understand of our differences. After all, some of those differences is what initially attracted us to each other in the first place!

Salad dressing

I was recently contemplating how the recent flurry of craziness in my life (work being crazy and mom being sick) has actually helped me and my husband to grow closer. Not that we were drifting far apart, but we had been settling into a routine that limited some of our communication as of late. You know, get home from work late, eat, watch t.v., check email and facebook, go to bed, day after day. We were becoming a little complacent. With so much going on, suddenly we were talking more about many things, emotional things, important things. Through the struggles we find our true blessings.

He's been a great source of love and support and I feel truly grateful to have him.

We are pretty different personality-wise, my husband and I. Some days, we complement each other beautifully, like oil and vinegar, or peanut butter and jelly (or better yet, chocolate).

Today was a beautiful, salad dressing like day til about an hour ago.

Then suddently it was more like oil and water.

Sigh.

Marriage...

As promised earlier this week, I was going to write a post reflecting on my two years of marriage. Finally today I have a little free time to relax and reflect.

It seems ages ago, that fateful day when we met. We met at work. I never thought I would seriously date someone with whom I worked. One summer long ago my high school boyfriend and I had worked in the same factory; since then I had had crushes on co-workers and even went on one or two dates with co-workers, but that was during the time I worked at Sears, not at a full-time, professional job.

So there I was, fresh out of grad school, my second week of work. I didn't have any clients yet, I was in my office reading manuals and really pretty bored. I had met all of my other co-workers during my first week except this guy whose office was across the hall from mine, my new boss told me he was on vacation. So when this mystery guy finally appeared, he was busy and I got glimpses of him taking clients in and out of his office. Tall. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Hmmm. I was interested.

I can't remember now if it was that first day or the next when I boldly and uncharacteristically went over to his office, knocked on the door, and introduced myself. We talked briefly, and I remember him being friendly but surprisingly open and rather blunt. I left his office feeling off balance, like "what just happened?"and "who does this guy think he is?" I wasn't sure if I really liked him or really didn't. I just knew he was different than most any other guy I had ever met.

A friendship developed. We started talking more and more, and then spending time together outside of the office. But I had recently been blown off by another guy who I had been seeing off and on over the past year, and was still focused on that person and those feelings. I opened up to Michael about that guy and realized it was time to let go of that whole emotional baggage and move on. Maybe it was so I could move on to him.

We took a long walk on a humid summer night and talked about so many different things. Some where along the way we admitted growing feelings for each other...and well, the rest is history. Or actually, more accurately, the present.

That was nearly five years ago. Now it is hard to imagine a time we weren't together. I notice sometimes starting to take for granted that I have someone to go to bed with, wake up with, laugh with, cry with, and just share life with. But as I sit and recall the early days of our relationship, a reminder of the time when our lives weren't intertwined, I realize the beauty and blessings of being married. I am guilty of not enjoying every day and thanking God for every day I have been given with my husband, but as I look back, I see how much we've grown, how we've become more understanding, more tolerant. We challenge each other often, we differ, we disagree, but through this is always growth. And of course there is room to grow even more.

Here's to many, many more.

Lent update

So here's an update on how I am doing so far this Lent with my Lenten promise/sacrifice

1) Fast food:
*I decided to give up eating fast food while working, hoping to save money by bringing my lunch. (I decided fast food had become a big vice, I was pretty frequently running through the drive through on the way to work or during my breaks--McDonald's, Arby's, Wendy's, Starbucks, and Dunkin Donuts being some of my favorites)
*So...I haven't eaten anything from a drive thru or bag since Fat Tuesday!
*I did buy food twice from the deli at Jewel. I rationalized this as not being fast food. Not sure if all would agree.
*Instead of Dunkin Donuts (which are everywhere in Chicagoland! There were like 2 in Bloomington!) or Starbucks, I have been making my own tea or coffee to drink or just drinking water or those packets you pour into your water bottle, though for awhile I was buying more cans of pop at the work vending machine. Good thing I didn't give up caffeine this year!
*I have been eating alot of microwave meals (Healthy Choice Fresh Mixers are actually pretty good, and don't need refrigerated), PBJ, and meal replacement/energy bars when I am in a time crunch.
*I was guilty last week of eating a candy bar for lunch, as well as way too many leftover 7 layer brownies that I made for my husabnd to take to work but they stuck to the pan, so the two of us have been eating it since (they still taste good! but I am pretty sick of them now!)
*So overall I don't think I have been eating healthier!
*However, I think I am saving some money. Our credit card statement actually did seem lower, I hope due to less swipes for mochas and double cheeseburgers. But I have been spending a little more at the grocery store buying lunch items.

2) Praying:
*I haven't done too well praying in the morning...I think I need to put a post-it-note on the mirror or something!
*I have been doing better at praying in the evening, as my husband and I got a prayer book from our church we have been reading together. It's been a good experience because while we do go to church together every week we don't discuss religion much outside of church. The prayer book also includes some history and information about why we do what we do and it's been a great experience to share with him.

Easter is three weeks away. I hope I can keep it up and do even better.

Valentine's Day Take Two

Yesterday was a great day. I got up and went to the gym to work out, came home and hung out with my husband. We spent hours just talking and laughing, snuggling, without the t.v. on, which was a nice change! We decided to use our gift card for Buca di Beppo (which had been our jilted plans for V-day) and went out and had great food and a great time just the two of us (not to mention our server gave us an extra $10 off if we did the survey--you know, the one that's always on every receipt everywhere---at the restaurant, which was really cool).

After two years of marriage and nearly 5 together (yesterday he said 3! I had to yell at him for that!), I have found the best times are the quiet times, the spontaneous times, the ones we don't plan.

Valentine's--it's just another day--

Well another Valentine's day has come and gone. What I am pretty sure at one time was actually a Catholic saint's feast day is yet another overrated, commercially driven holiday, complete with high expectations and inevitable disappointment. I don't know why I let myself get drawn into all the hype. In sessions this week talking to my teenage girl clients regarding V-day that "it's just another day, you can do special things for the people you love any day, or say 'I love you' any day." And of course "don't worry about not having a boyfriend for Valentine's day." I always remember as a young kid, a pre-teen, a teenager, and young adult often having that fear of not having anyone on this supposed special day. And for most of my 29 years I would venture to say that I didn't...and even the years I did, I feel I have some kind of Valentine's day curse where plans don't work out and things don't go well and it turns into a day of disappointment. But not every year has been that way.



This year my husband and I had made plans to go out to eat. We had been giving a gift card to Bucca di Beppo, which if you haven't been there, it's awesome Italian food and I highly recommend you try it! Needless to say, I was really looking forward to this, as we talked about it for a few weeks. We have been together for 5 V-days now and this might have been our first forage into "going out" for Valentine's, other years we opted to stay in and order food or go out an alternate night as we didn't want to face crowds and long wait times. So the plan was go to early, around 4:30pm, to beat the dinner rush. Of course we didn't leave on time, so we got there around 5:15pm, only to hear it was an hour wait. My husband tells me to make the call, but at the same time has this look of "I really don't want to wait an hour" on his face, so we ponder what to do for about 5-10 minutes what to do, during which he starts actually complaining about the idea of waiting an hour and I am like "let's just go" as I didn't want to wait and eat dinner with Crabby Husband. (I have yet to figure out the trick to deal with my husband once he starts getting crabby. Generally nothing I say cheers him up and then I start getting crabby too.) Anyway, we tried two other places with even longer wait times before stopping at the grocery store to get one of those $1 movies (of all the ones to pick we got "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay"--romantic!!!). I had some false hope while in the grocery store my husband would grab some flowers for me, but this hope did not materialize. (I don't think I have gotten flowers from my husband in about a year now, so it would have been nice. It's very interesting how when we first started dating I got flowers quite often, but over time it certainly did decrease, almost exponentially after we got engaged and even more after we got married. It's more the thought that counts of course. And this year I didn't end up getting or making him anything anyway.)



Anyway, so we went home and heated up some leftovers and watched movies on t.v. Nice, relaxing, a pretty typical night for us. But I couldn't help but to be disappointed. I guess if we hadn't made plans to go out I wouldn't have had any reason to be disappointed. But once you have gotten a little dressed up and have the idea that I don't have to cook tonight! in your head, it's hard to go home hungry. But, as my husband said on the way home, and as I told my teenage girl clients, it's just another day.