Friday, January 22, 2010

Facebook nightmares

Facebook has been giving me nightmares.

OK, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it's not far from the truth.

Thanks to the world of social networking, now I can actually see what most of my ex-boyfriends are up to these days. People I haven't thought about, or necessarily wanted to think about for years--their pictures and profiles at the click of my mouse. And lately those exes are haunting my dreams! Mostly strange alternative reality dreams where the ex and I are together in some form or another. I wake up feeling guilty and like I should be confessing to my husband--and my parish priest!

Now I don't have that many ex-boyfriends by any means. Two real ones, a hodge podge of guys I "dated" in some form or another (and no, like Kelly Clarkson, I do not hook up!), and a smattering of old crushes. Only one ex is actually my "facebook friend"--when I signed up, basically it takes your entire email address book and finds who's already on facebook and asks them to be your friend. At the time, I didn't even think about the potential loaded meaning of friending an ex--after all we both knew that we were married and besides a few polite emails we hadn't been in contact in years, and there were definitely no lingering feelings on either side.

The other exes all seem to be friends of friends, which shows how small the world truly is. The other day I saw that my mom friended my high school/early college ex (yes, my mom got on facebook!). I wasn't sure what to think of that! But it did seem to support my theory that my parents' affinity for that ex grew like 10 fold AFTER we broke up. While we were dating I don't think they really liked him that much!

For most of these guys, they are married with kids. Which makes me happy that they found love and so did I (though one looks to be single and not doing much, to which I sneer). It also amazes me how long ago and far away those memories are and, while at times nostaligic, there aren't any burning flames.

So where in my subconscious are these stupid dreams coming from?? Just my brain playing "what if??"

Not only have I been able to peek in on the lives of exes, but I can keep up on the small-town gossip from which I have tried to separate myself. Now I can see not only who's married with kids but who appears to be divorced (already?!) and remarried (to him??) and who's living now in Timbucktoo. Grrr. Why do I care?? But sadly, I do!

I used to believe that there were some people we really weren't meant to ever see or hear from again. It's much harder in this age of communication.

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