Waiting...

If I can just make it through the next 13 hours I will be on vacation!

The term "vacation" seems deceiving, as I am not going anywhere tropical or exotic or far away. It resulted out of a combination of needing to take so many unpaid days off by the end of September (thanks to the lovely economy), having a LOT of unused vacation time to use before the end of the year, and also really needing a big fat BREAK from solving the problems of south suburban Chicago youth (on public aid insurance).  But I do have plans to do some chillin', some exploration of Chicagoland landmarks I have yet to explore, a visit from a good friend...looking forward to it all!

So of course today as I am trying wrap things up at the office, during my final session of the day the guardian storms out of the office, tells me I "can have her" (his adoptive daughter) and leaves the premises. He eventually comes back, upset, not wanting to take her home, so I grab my supervisor to do a safety plan. She was surprisingly helpful and supportive. We came up with a plan for them to leave together safely and agreeably. I ended up staying 35 minutes over, but it had to be done. They couldn't leave in that state.

Now I am on-call til 8am.

So I wait....(big sigh)

Hopefully later I will have more updates and some stories of my stay-cation!

Post Script

Ah, the joys of marriage.

Being only two and a half years in, I am still learning every day, and boy, do I still have alot to learn. (Too bad alot isn't a word.)

Yesterday my husband and I shared a wonderful day. We ate lunch at his parents' house, spent a little time with our 3 year old nephew, went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, did a little grocery shopping, ate dinner together, watched the Sex and the City movie on t.v. (without being forced against his will). Nice, relaxing, enjoyable time spent together.

Then I got up to get some juice from the fridge.

He just had to complain that I left the refrigerator open while pouring my drink, and I just had I tried to defend my actions (was it really that big of a deal? was I really wasting that much more electricity?). Before I know it he's angry, I'm angry. Blah. Good day down the crapper.

Often after these spats I try to step back and take a look at our relationship. In so many ways I am the man and he is the woman. He is the planner, the organizer. And he is the one who nags and complains. I tend to be more go with the flow, even a little impulsive at times. I tend to react and sometimes be passive-aggressive instead of straightforward. For being a therapist, I am pretty crappy at communication, at least at being straightforward and direct. Often it seems that my husband overcompensates by being, in my opinion, too forward and direct.

But in many ways I am the woman. I am the one who does the dishes and laundry. I clean the house, which I actually like to do when I have the time. I run on emotions, at least when I am home (hopefully less so at work).

And in many ways he is the man. He is the "fixer" of all things broken, whether it be a tile, a shower door, or plans. He does most of the outdoor stuff, like the mowing, the trimming, the car-related repairs. He runs on rationalism and logic, in fact I dare say that Spock is his idol.

And some days, most days, most of the time, it all meshes. But then, every once in awhile, we hit a snag.

They say communication is the key to a good relationship. I think it is one of the keys, but so is ultimate patience, forgiveness, humility, acceptance, and selflessness. Seesh! That's a tall order! And trust me, none of those traits come easy all the time.

So, I know we'll hit sore spots, snags, and snaffoo's. But I also know in 2 1/2 years of marriage and 5 years together that getting through all of the tough times has ultimately brought us closer and, hopefully, more tolerant and understand of our differences. After all, some of those differences is what initially attracted us to each other in the first place!

Salad dressing

I was recently contemplating how the recent flurry of craziness in my life (work being crazy and mom being sick) has actually helped me and my husband to grow closer. Not that we were drifting far apart, but we had been settling into a routine that limited some of our communication as of late. You know, get home from work late, eat, watch t.v., check email and facebook, go to bed, day after day. We were becoming a little complacent. With so much going on, suddenly we were talking more about many things, emotional things, important things. Through the struggles we find our true blessings.

He's been a great source of love and support and I feel truly grateful to have him.

We are pretty different personality-wise, my husband and I. Some days, we complement each other beautifully, like oil and vinegar, or peanut butter and jelly (or better yet, chocolate).

Today was a beautiful, salad dressing like day til about an hour ago.

Then suddently it was more like oil and water.

Sigh.

Oh and about that job hunt...

And, as a P.S. to my multiple rantings about job hunting, in the past 2 weeks I have had a total of 3 responses from applications/resumes I submitted on Careerbuilder.com.

It's about f-ing time!!!!!!

We'll see about the results.

Thank You!

I just want to take some time to say a huge THANK YOU to all my friends near and far who have been so supportive of me during the past several weeks. Thanks for being sounding boards, support beams, and ears for listening to my venting and whining and complaining.

I hope I can be there for all of you when you need it the most. It's the least I can do. And, while it's so cheesy, that's what friends are for.

I am truly blessed with so many wonderful people in my life, and when life is down it's easy to forget the good things and focus on the bad things.

So I've been a little preoccupied...

Last week was a LONG and trying week.

Let's just say work has taken a turn. I said too many times "my boss has been better lately", "better" meaning a little less control freak micro-managing neurotically critical, hovering, and just "bossy". And last week it came back to bite me in the ass with email after email after voice message about this and that and the other. Although I have to take responsibility for some things too...some situations where I could have made better choices or at least kept her informed instead of feeling I should or could handle it by myself. Is that pride? Pride tends to get us in trouble.

Of course all of this is going on and my clients are running away, tantruming, threatening their parents, parents threatening to put them in the hospital, etc. etc. All my kids seemed to blow up last week.

Then there's my mom. Oh where to start? She was hospitalized for three days after complaining she felt dizzy, apparently her blood sugar was low, among other things like her potassium, hemoglobin, iron. Bascially her body is completely out of whack. It is because my mom has an eating disorder, coupled with a stomach ulcer, acid reflux, and a lifetime of depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems. She has had the eating disorder openly for like 6 years now and really isn't getting any better. She's in therapy but honestly I don't think it's helping, simply because she isn't using it to change. I don't think she is ready or wants to. So all last week I am talking to her on the phone, trying to encourage her but myself feeling pretty hopeless. This must be how it feels to be family member of a chronic drug user. They say they will try and get better and just keep on going out and getting high. I went to see her this past weekend and just didn't even know what to say most of the time, though I could say it plainly to my husband, my brother, my friends. I fear mom isn't going to be around much longer, that she's choosing this fate, and that I just have to accept it.

I wish it weren't the case but it is.

Yesterday was another LONG work day. I am trying to stay positive as much as possible but it is so hard right now. The only things I have to look forward to are a week off coming up soon, though I wish it were sooner.

Let's just see what the rest of this week brings.

What's so great about it being late?

Can somebody explain to me what is the big freakin' deal about staying up late?

OK, maybe it was "fun" when we were younger because it was forbidden, it was naughty, it was testing limits. As an adult, I just don't get it. Is it wrong to like to get up when the sun gets up(well, relatively soon afterwards) and go to bed not long after it gets dark?? (we're not talking about going to bed at 6pm in December, but you get the idea!) Is it wrong to get 8 hours of sleep during the span of time we label as "night?" Is is wrong to do recreational and social events in the, heaven forbid, afternoon????!!!!

Last night, we were driving home after hanging out for awhile at my brother-in-law's condo. We ate some Mexican and were watching the Cubs game. After the game, we mutually decided to leave. In the car, my husband teasingly said I am "older" than him; he was referring to the fact that, in general, I don't like to stay up late and when I try to stay up I am often falling asleep. Unfortunately we are complete opposites in this respect. He is a total night owl, will stay up til the wee hours of the evening (or is it really morning??) and then sleep in late. I am not a 5:00 am type of person, but I would rather get up around 7:00 am and go to bed between 10:00 and 11:00am (probably closer to 10). Tell me, is this bad??

Well, apparently it is for our social life. When we moved to Tinley Park, we anticipated hanging out more with my husband's family, typically his brothers, cousins, and all of their significant others. My husband's brothers and cousins still are in the "let's go out to the bars" kind of mentality. And often it's last minute, calling us up when I am already in my pajamas and half asleep. Sure, in college I could somehow muster up the motivation to get up, change, and go out. But nowadays the comfort of my bed just is too strong. It would be different if people called the day before so I had some notice and would know not to start getting all cozy come 8 or 9pm. Or, better yet, if it was at an earlier hour altogether. Why does going out have to be after 10pm?? What happens then that can't happen in the afternoon or early evening? This is my burning question. A beer or mixed drink doesn't taste as good when the sun is up? Bean bags, pool, karaoke aren't as fun in the light? And why does it always have to involve alcohol?? (Which I think will be an entirely other blog post) So, typically, we have passed on offers to go out. And now we rarely get a call. We hear after the fact about weekends out at the bars and feel a little left out, but also knowing we probably didn't miss much of anything too spectular. We have called the same people to come over to our house for an afternoon of board games or watching sports on t.v. Usually they pass at our offer.

I have never been a night person. I was always one of the first ones to fall asleep at slumber parties and miss the late night gossip and crazy goings on. (Luckily I never woke up with shaving cream on my face or with someone holding my hand in warm water, which supposed makes you pee your pants). I am chronically falling asleep infront of the t.v. My husband has learned to never start watching movies with me after 8:00pm because I am highly likely not to make it through to the end. About 9:30 pm my eyes start to get droopy, I get pleasantly sleepy, and after 10:00 pm my brain starts shutting down for the night (unless I am moving around alot). I don't know what it is. The comfort of home, a cozy bed/couch, snuggled up next to my hubby...warm feelings of safety and security. But are they making me boring? And am I taking my husband down with me?

The good thing is my husband was over going out and drinking like three years ago. I like to be social, occasional drinking is fine, bars can be fun but often are loud and potentially boring. But hey, I like to sleep. At night.

The epilogue

Ah, a cool breeze blows through the window in our den. Nice.

A few days later, the feelings of disappointment and rejection have faded. The only question now is do I forge on and continue this fruitless job hunt or just try to be content with what I have.

Any thoughts?