tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4167552470612843762024-03-21T13:04:50.175-05:00K~Mart, Home of the Blue LightRants, ramblings, random thoughts (and a little psycho-babble) from a small town girl turned suburbanite who's just working for the weekend.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-30591878529944046902010-01-24T09:38:00.000-06:002010-01-24T09:38:35.282-06:00Facebook surfingStatistics say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce these days.<br />
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According to Facebook that stat seems to hold true.<br />
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Recently I was surfing profiles of Newtonites (people from my hometown) and, after noting name changes, status changes, pictures, and other profile information, it hit me how many people I know from home who are around my age who have already been married <em>and</em> divorced, and many of them remarried already. The thought was quite sobering. <br />
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Many of these people married their high school sweetheart (not all of them, of course; several high school sweethearts appeared to still be together). Some had kids, some seemed to have kids with the second marriage. It's so hard to say, just basing my "facts" on facebook information.<br />
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Now I would assume no one walks down the aisle with the thought "this probably won't work out" or "I give this two years tops" (while people sitting in the aisles may be saying or thinking those things). And of course I don't know the circumstances why any of these couples divorced. I can say that it does make me feel sad to think of the heartache, the broken homes, the broken promises, and the turmoil. It makes me want to hold my own husband a little tighter and to think of the line "in good times and in bad" and toughing through those bad times. Though again, I have no idea what bad times some of these couples suffered through. Infidelity, alcohol and drugs, lies, who knows. I only get a glimpse and small clues, thanks again to Facebook. <br />
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So thanks Facebook, for keeping me up to date on the local, small-town gossip and happenings that I would otherwise miss. Thanks for feeding curiosities I didn't even realize I still had. <br />
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Of course I can put down the mouse and step away too.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-66766066375482485632010-01-23T08:11:00.001-06:002010-01-23T08:12:42.389-06:00DisappointmentLast night, after like a year of anticipation and hearing how hilariously funny it is, my husband and I <em>finally </em>watched the movie <em>The Hangover.</em> <br />
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I have to say, I was a little disappointed. Not that the movie was bad, or even unfunny, but it just didn't seem to live up to all of the hype (and maybe I have to watch it again. Sometimes I get more of the jokes I missed the first time around). There were definitely funny scenes and situations, but mainly it was the characters I didn't like that much. I didn't find Bradley Cooper's character to be likeable at all, Stu was kind of annoying and whiny, Doug, well, if you have seen the movie you know he's not in it much. Luckily we have the hairy guy (I can't remember his name, Phil??) who was funny, at times in disturbing ways, but that is to be expected. I thought at first Heather Graham's character was a totally overacted caricature with the most stereotypical Vegas job (escort/stripper) and most stereotypical Vegas situation (oops! we got drunk and got married!). I have to say, the baby they found and are lugging around Vegas was pretty funny (and a very cute baby)! <br />
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This isn't the first time that a massively popular movie didn't live up to its hype when I was like the last person on the planet to finally see it. Others I found to be "just OK" or at best "good" but not as phenomenally good as I had anticipated:<br />
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<em>Knocked Up--</em>what was funny about this movie, besides the idea that Katherine Hiegel would sleep with Seth Rogan?<br />
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<em>Superbad--</em>Jonah what's his face (one of the main actors) is annoying and not that funny! I like Michael Cera though<br />
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<em>The Curious Case of Benjamin Button--</em>rather long and boring, and I didn't feel we ever <em>really</em> got to know what it was like living as Benjamin aging backwards, though Brad Pitt did play the age differences well.<br />
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<em>Slumdog Millionaire--</em>I did enjoy this movie, but I couldn't help when it was done to think "that's it?". I guess because it won an Oscar I expected something more. What, I can't say.<br />
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I am sure there are others. <br />
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Then there are the movies that you don't expect to be that good that take you by surprise. I will have to ponder those and write about them later.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-3015233704117197172010-01-22T11:36:00.000-06:002010-01-22T11:36:30.934-06:00Facebook nightmaresFacebook has been giving me nightmares.<br />
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OK, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it's not far from the truth.<br />
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Thanks to the world of social networking, now I can actually see what most of my ex-boyfriends are up to these days. People I haven't thought about, or necessarily wanted to think about for years--their pictures and profiles at the click of my mouse. And lately those exes are haunting my dreams! Mostly strange alternative reality dreams where the ex and I are together in some form or another. I wake up feeling guilty and like I should be confessing to my husband--and my parish priest!<br />
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Now I don't have that many ex-boyfriends by any means. Two real ones, a hodge podge of guys I "dated" in some form or another (and no, like Kelly Clarkson, <em>I do not hook up</em>!), and a smattering of old crushes. Only one ex is actually my "facebook friend"--when I signed up, basically it takes your entire email address book and finds who's already on facebook and asks them to be your friend. At the time, I didn't even think about the potential loaded meaning of friending an ex--after all we both knew that we were married and besides a few polite emails we hadn't been in contact in years, and there were definitely no lingering feelings on either side.<br />
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The other exes all seem to be friends of friends, which shows how small the world truly is. The other day I saw that my mom friended my high school/early college ex (yes, my mom got on facebook!). I wasn't sure what to think of that! But it did seem to support my theory that my parents' affinity for that ex grew like 10 fold AFTER we broke up. While we were dating I don't think they really liked him that much! <br />
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For most of these guys, they are married with kids. Which makes me happy that they found love and so did I (though one looks to be single and not doing much, to which I sneer). It also amazes me how long ago and far away those memories are and, while at times nostaligic, there aren't any burning flames. <br />
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So where in my subconscious are these stupid dreams coming from?? Just my brain playing "what if??"<br />
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Not only have I been able to peek in on the lives of exes, but I can keep up on the small-town gossip from which I have tried to separate myself. Now I can see not only who's married with kids but who appears to be divorced (already?!) and remarried (to him??) and who's living now in Timbucktoo. Grrr. Why do I care?? But sadly, I do!<br />
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I used to believe that there were some people we really weren't meant to ever see or hear from again. It's much harder in this age of communication.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-35368661941099389522010-01-15T16:17:00.002-06:002010-01-15T16:19:21.071-06:00The EpilogueToday, out the blue, I felt inspired to blog again. For awhile things were so busy and hectic that I didn't have the time, or if I had free time I felt that my time should be devoted to other more pertinent things. Now, as I reflect after a slow work week, it seems like a good time to write an epilogue. <br />
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A huge focus of my previous blogging dealt with my ongoing struggles with my old job and my ongoing job search. That story came to the climatic and joyous end when, <em>TA DA--</em><em>I finally got a new job</em>! I left my old job on Friday the 13th of November (a truly lucky day in my book) and haven't looked back since. <br />
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I thought it would take months to get the voice of my old supervisor out of my head, but luckily it took only about a week, maybe two at tops. As soon as I was away from there, I had a chance to step back and reflect, finally being out of that situation. I realized how truly unhealthy my last work environment really was...that it really wasn't some kind of scenario I had built up in my head--while we all "hate" our bosses, or so it seems, this was beyond that. The control-freakishness, the passive-aggressiveness, the power struggling, and the neuroticism of my last superivsor had created a work environment that stagnated me, and at times deteriorated me,both personally and professionally. I found myself second-guessing my decisions, being nervous, catching myself between rocks and hard places more and more of the time. And for what? To please someone so unpleasant? To disserve my clients? It's so hard to explain the strangely powerful negative dynamic that was created, except that being out of it and exposed to something so much healthier made me truly realize how unhealthy it was. <br />
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From day one at my new job not only did I feel welcomed but I felt truly respected as an individual <em>and</em> a clinician. I wasn't constantly having to prove myself and explain myself. For the first time in over two years, I felt like I was on the same playing ground as my supervisor <em>and </em>the psychiatrist. My credentials and experience seemed to speak for themselves, but so did my own mouth. <strong>And I was actually listened to!</strong> My decisions were <em>my</em> decisions, they didn't all need "supervisor approval" (though I do value his opinion and actually seek to get his feedback on my decisions). After a week I didn't have to turn in things for my new supervisor to review. He implictly trusted my skills and that I would come to him with questions or problems. Most importantly, <strong>I felt like part of a <em>team</em></strong>. A team doing treatment...which has been a great feeling! <br />
(Now, don't get me wrong, I got great support and respect from many of my old co-workers, who were coping with the same neurotic boss, but it was quite overshadowed by the negativity of my old supervisor, who sporadically spit out a "good job" amid emails, voicemails, and post-it notes that implied and stated otherwise. And for the most part it felt like we were all fending for ourselves, between being overloaded and running here and there, there was not much opportunity for comraderie and team building, and it almost seemed frowned upon at times!)<br />
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Best of all, I feel more confident in my own clinical skills, more confident than I have felt in a really long time. So when I was told a week ago that my hours would be changing somewhat (from 10 to 6 Monday-Thursday, still 8:30-5 on Fridays), I was pretty much OK with it. Not thrilled about getting home later, but I figure everything else has been worth it. I have really been blessed to have great teens in the program, teens who have wanted to be here and are willing to open up and talk. I have been blessed with helpful, wonderful new co-workers too. The commute hasn't been bad, except for days it has been icy or snowy. And my office is located in a quite quaint and cozy downtown area that I am learning to enjoy.<br />
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So a change has really done me a world of good.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-35140345604183451002009-11-03T18:00:00.000-06:002009-11-03T18:00:55.256-06:00Bye for nowSo I realize that only had one post in October. Needless to say, it was a LONG, busy month. It ended on good notes however. New job. Mom doing a little better (relatively speaking). Halloween fun. Sunny, cool fall days and beautiful trees after weeks and weeks of rain.<br />
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I am thinking I might put this blog on hiatus for awhile. While writing over this past year has been extremely cathartic, it is one more thing that distracts me from living "real" life. I know in this day and age technology has become interwoven with daily living and inevitably the weaving will continue...but, as more than one church billboard has suggested to me in the past month, "Get off of Facebook and into My Book--God".<br />
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I think he's trying to tell me something--Live life with the people you know, love them, serve them, and in doing this you serve me. <br />
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Unfortunately so many of the people in my life live several hours away and technology becomes an important part of staying in communication with them! So blogs, Facebook, email, cell phones all help in that respect, so it's pretty unrealistic at this point to remove it all from my daily living.<br />
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So maybe I take a break from the blog, try to limit the Facebooking a little more, take advantage of time I have to visit family and friends, read more books, find other hobbies (gardening did prove to be a good one! though I got so busy and distracted before it got cold I did miss harvesting some oregano and other spices--now I need a winter hobby!), find time to serve others. I am looking forward to this job change as a turning point, a time to make other changes in my life so I can be more like the person I want to be. <br />
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Bye for awhile.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-67881869225457361552009-10-22T20:30:00.000-05:002009-10-22T20:30:10.358-05:00Long overdue update<strong>Wow, so it's really been awhile.</strong> So much has been going on lately that I have had to neglect a few things, one being my blog. So here's a run down of events. <br />
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<em>(WARNING: Reading the following blog may induce symptoms similar to Bipolar Disorder)</em><br />
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1) <strong>I FINALLY GOT A NEW JOB!!!!</strong> Hallelujah!! After over a year of searching and interviewing, last week I <em>finally</em> got the call that <em>I</em> was being offered a new job. Intially it felt surreal--after <em>so</em> many interviews, so many times leaving the interview feeling confident, only to have follow up calls and emails not returned, and then only to get the form letter or generic email that the position was filled with someone whose "qualifications most closely match those of the position"--finally <em>I </em>was that person whose qualifications matched the job. In the past week I have thought of those others who applied for this position and were never even called for a first interview, and those who went to interviews and then didn't get the call backs or those who went for a few interviews never to get the final call. I felt for them, being through it so many times. I try to rationalize that everything happens in its own time and for a reason and that this was finally my time and my season. <br />
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So this Monday I gave my boss the letter I have been wishing I could give her for over a year, that I am resigning. She took it shockingly well. I think she might have known it was coming. More on that later.<br />
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By the way, in case you are curious, my new position is working as a therapist through a hospital doing an intensive outpatient therapy program for adolescents. I have always found adolescents to be challenging; in some ways I enjoy them the most, because unlike little children you can do more "real" therapy with them, if they are willing to engage--which brings up the challenge--IF they are willing to engage! Nothing is more difficult than a bratty 15 year staring you down and refusing to talk. So, we'll see. I will miss the little ones, I love working with little kids and doing lots of my own brand of art and play therapy, which in the end usually feels more like having play dates than therapy. But I am so excited for working 8:30-5:00pm Monday-Friday, NO on-call shifts, and NO home visits. <br />
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I know no job is perfect and that this one won't be either, that I will have bad days and tough days, but I hope and pray that it's a better experience than my current place of employment (though I do have several co-workers I will miss and some clients too). I just hope this is a place where I can finally take root and get comfortable and feel like I can stay awhile and grow professionally. <br />
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Thanks to all my friends and family for their support during this long job search process!<br />
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2) So before and during all of that, my mom has been in and out of the hospital. I can't even recall where I left off describing that saga--she's been in for psychiatric treatment and then in again for medical treatment. Without going into lots of details of her personal information, which I am sure she wouldn't want me to share on the internet (well, maybe she wouldn't care, she does tend to be an open book with others about her multitude of illnesses), her physical and mental health have been up and down (mostly down) and it's been pretty hard on me. I now live about four hours away from her and I am torn, I feel guilty and wish I were closer to see her and help out more, but if I were it would probably consume my life, trying to help her and she's really at the point she needs help but she really needs to help herself. She has become pretty dependent on others to monitor her health and to care for her rather than her take charge and care for herself, which is part of the problem, and what a complex problem it is. I think I will leave it at that, rather than go into all the details. <br />
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3) And so while all of this was going on I have had some encounters with my boss that were pretty negative. Actually they could have been worse in many ways, but they definitely didn't make for a friendly work environment. Basically she scolded me several times for not keeping her up to date on issues with some of my clients and for doing things without "supervisor approval" (which for her pretty much everything needs her approval). I do understand that supervisors have obvious responsibilities and I should have done better at communicating with her about several issues. But it's really hard when you have a boss who 90% is cold and judgemental and is kind and supportive only about 10% of the time. It's a crap shoot and makes difficult situations even that much harder. Once I leave this job, if I never hear the term "supervisor approval" again I will be very happy. Luckily the people I interviewed with at my new job seem pretty relaxed and hopefully will let me work more autonomously. I feel like the more I work independently the more confident I am in what I do, instead of everything being "I have to check my with supervisor on that." Ick! <br />
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I realize that these are some of the main issues I have tended to blog about--job hunting, work, and my mom's health. Finally the work/job hunt issue gets resolved....I will keep everyone posted on how the new job goes. <br />
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I know my mom's health will be an ongoing battle. Prayers are appreciated.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-51733135897571718592009-09-27T21:12:00.002-05:002009-09-28T09:09:23.496-05:00Me vs. FoodSo, I have been ranting about work over and over again lately, so today I will take a break and rant about something else...my weight.<br />
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<em>(Oh no, you say, not this old rant again! But yes, here it comes again!)</em><br />
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Last week I went for my annual physical and got up on the scale and, just as I feared, saw the largest number I have ever seen. And no, I won't share that specific number with you. As we all know doctor's scales always seem to add a few pounds, and I had my shoes on, but even minus a few pounds the number is still way higher than it should be. <br />
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I wasn't completely surprised, as my bathroom scale was telling me a similar story a few days before. The doctor didn't comment on my weight gain, which now I wish I had asked what I weighed when I was in last year. I am guessing it's close to 10 pounds, maybe a little less. <br />
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As I sit and contemplate how I gained more weight, the obvious answer is that I am consuming more calories than I am burning. Duh. End of story. During our recent week off my husband and I ate out quite a bit (I guess so it would feel more like "vacation"), and everytime I turn around it seems like it's another wedding, shower, family party or other get together that involves eating and eating and more eating. And I just have no will power it seems. I never really have. I just <em>love</em> food and <em>love </em>to eat! <br />
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Looking back, I have always been the kind of person who went through phases of being slightly more chubby and then slimming down and losing weight, usually without consciously trying as a side effect of stress, anxiety, or being really busy. I have always been the kind of person who loses their appetite when feeling really anxious, preoccupied, or worried. However, I am also the kind of person who tends to eat emotionally, usually when depressed, stressed, or bored. In addition, now that I am married it seems that I just feel more comfortable and lax so I hardly think twice about skipping workouts and eating a few extra cookies, chips, pasta, or pizza. Add that with working (and thus eating) late three days of the week, family showers and parties like every other weekend, plus having an occasional soda, iced coffee, latte, and you have a pretty good recipe for extra calorie consumption. <br />
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Of the less important things in life, few can be more frustrating and discouraging than finding that your pants that were once loose now fit and pants that once fit are now getting tight. I face the reality of needing to make a much more conscious effort to make some changes or buy new pants.<br />
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Because I love food and love to eat, strict or strange diets are probably out (Master cleanse anyone? ick!)Probably the easiest steps I can take are to cut down my portions, plan ahead and bring my lunch to avoid fast food runs while working, and simply keeping better track of what exactly I eat and drink. Oh, and exercising more of course! I obviously need to either step up my work out or just go more consistently, or more ideally, both!<br />
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I will keep you posted on my progress.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-70429993638594604402009-09-17T10:35:00.001-05:002009-09-17T13:27:52.760-05:00I am not a dentist!In reaction to my state of stress and burn-out, I have submitted at least 7 online resumes/applications in the past 3 days. I honestly don't know if that sounds like alot or a little. I also am not sure if it an effective way to cope as I fear that it will just add to my tension and frustration--you know, the waiting for replies. Lately I had been lucky to get a decent rate of replies from applications, but things get stalled there and phone interviews don't turn into face to face interviews, or first interviews don't turn into second interviews. <br />
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I think my technique is wrong. I heard on the John Tesh radio show (seriously, if you don't listen you should! it's really educational) that you should only spend about 40% of your time and efforts on online job hunting and the other 60% on networking--calling companies and/or people about potential jobs, looking for personal referrals, as they say these days that's how people are getting hired. I probably have done about 95% online hunting and 5% networking. Things that make your go hmmmmmmmm....<br />
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In slightly related news, there is the ongoing saga of the family who keeps telling my supervisor and now the psychiatrist that they want a new therapist, but to my face they are singing a different tune. To me they said they thought changing therapists wouldn't really help because the girl doesn't want to be in therapy anyway and they don't think will talk to anyone. I tend to agree with this statement. She's been in therapy for over a year and while sometimes she is more agreeable than others, most of the time she's either quiet or loudly whining and groaning. And keep in mind that she is 17. She is actually a beautiful girl, apparently very smart, but she also has some pretty serious mental health problems that she doesn't want to deal with. And I have been what I feel is very accomodating to this family, have tried to engage this girl, so at this point if they want someone else to take a crack at her, I say go ahead. I just dread the thought that it will turn into a BIG DEAL with my supervisor and all of the potential fall out. Plus I can't help but to take it personally, when I know that my supervisor even said they told her that I was just "so nice and kind", but long story short they want someone more "strong and firm" who can "make the client talk." Because that will definitely help. Urgh!<br />
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This is another point of contention with me working with kids...when I get the parents dragging their kids to therapy who really want their kid to be in "boot camp" because they need their child to "learn discipline and respect." These parents are looking at me as the therapist to be more like a drill sergeant or probation officer. I think I need to give parents a disclaimer in our first session that I am neither; it's not my style, my theoretical orientation, or personality. I have learned to be confrontive at times, but still my idea of being confrontive is still pretty "gentle." I am naturally just a soft spoken person, and my style of therapy is more of the "how did that make you feel" approach. And, to boot, I am short, 5'4" in heels if I am lucky, which makes me pretty much the <em>opposite</em> of intimidating. I also have often told parents I am <em>not</em> a dentist so I don't pull teeth--that is, if a kid doesn't want to talk or isn't going to I can't force them to drag it out. I give them lots of patience, understanding, prompting, and plenty of opportunities to talk, but if they can't or won't I am not a dentist, magician, or mind reader. <br />
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So, that being said, I will try to keep my head high and <em>roll with the changes</em>, as the wise members of REO would say.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-57267577535168070152009-09-15T11:00:00.000-05:002009-09-15T11:00:39.943-05:00PerspectiveSo yesterday I was in a pretty negative place regarding my job, career, employer. It's interesting how all those three words seem synonomous, but they really aren't the same things at all.<br />
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Anyway, today I woke up feeling a little more positive, even though I work 1:00pm to 9:00pm today and somehow have overbooked my schedule. I was in a slow line at the grocery store this morning and started contemplating my complaints about my job. Several different realizations developed.<br />
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I have pretty much been complaining about my job since I graduated from grad school. I have periods of time feeling a little more settled and secure, but even when I was working in Central Illinois I was job hunting for something "better."<br />
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I think of people I know-- my parents, my husband's parents, my friends' parents--and wonder how many of them worked for years, maybe decades, at a job they didn't like or even hated, just to provide for their family, pay the bills, maintain insurance, put food on the table. I think of my dad, who, at 66, still doesn't seem to know what he wants to be when he grows up. He worked many different jobs over the years, I know he sometimes did jobs he didn't enjoy but he did it to provide for his family. I think of people working in factories, working overnights, working at whatever job they could find. Not because they loved the work but because they loved their people at home.<br />
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Somehow, over the years, the myth emerged that a happy and fulfilled person should love their job. Yet I think of the people I know and how many of them truly love what they do for a living? Not too many. Or perhaps they love what they do but not where they do it or who they do it with. But day in and day out they go to work and deal with it. It's the hard thing to do, but it's the noble thing to do too.<br />
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So maybe it is completely unrealistic that I will have a job I love or love what I do. Truly most days I have liked doing counseling with children and adolescents. I think lately it's just been overwhelming and hit a point where my frustrations are just boiling over. I think this stems from lately having to deal with a few too many crises and not enough feeling extremely helpful or effective. Oh yeah, and yet another instance of a family member of one of my clients questioning if I am "effective", which makes me question my abilities all over again. Somehow I forget all of the clients I have worked with "effectively", who have made changes and have gotten better...<br />
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Meanwhile, I will continue to job hunt and just try to muddle through. I know in the long run it is the noble thing to do.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-77078457910333096652009-09-14T12:07:00.005-05:002009-09-15T10:27:03.578-05:00Burn outSo, as all good things must come to an end, I begrudgingly went back to work last Wednesday. <br />
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Upon my return I feared masses of voicemails and emails and old fashioned mail full of demands and commands and questions needing answered, but I was pleasantly surprised to have only 6 voicemails, thirty some-odd emails (mostly being stuff I could delete--mass all staff emails or invitations for trainings or meetings I don't need to attend but seem to go to everyone--), and a non-overflowing mailbox. Also somehow I seemed to have more cancellations than usual, so Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday ended up being pretty slow days, client-wise. I did have a mass of overdue and soon to be due paperwork to catch up on, but my motivation has been at a record low, so I have been filling up my time doing a little bit here and there and spending the rest of my time surfing the net and catching up on all those odd errands that I put off doing because I was too busy. <br />
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I had hoped that a week off would have me returning to work feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. But this is not the case. In fact, after coming back my spirits seem to be lower than ever. Not only do I dread coming to my office, dread meeting with my supervisor, dread working three evening shifts, and dread being on-call, but I realized that I am losing my passion for working with children and adolescents and am feeling burned out. <br />
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I was always warned of the high rate of burn out in the child/adolescent arena. I have fought it for five years, telling myself those wise things that previous co-workers told me ("anything you do is therapeutic with a child", "for some of these kids, you are the only person they have got to talk to", "sometimes you are part of the baby steps toward their progress, maybe they don't get it this time, but maybe they will next time", "you are walking besides them during the tough times in their life"). <br />
<br />
<br />
After you've worked with children and adolescents for awhile, you truly understand why the burn out rate is so high. Half of them don't want to be in counseling, but their parent/guardian is making them. The other half don't agree on what is the problem, what are the goals of therapy, or how to best deal with the problem. Their parent is probably telling me that their child has "anger issues" or a "bad attitude" or "no respect." The kid is probably saying they "hate their parent/step parent, parent's boyfriend or girlfriend, that no one understands them, that talking to someone doesn't help." Upon further inspection, almost always there are underlying problems going on. The kids I work with rarely have lived a "normal" childhood. Many are raised by a single parent, some by grandparents. Many had parents using drugs or alcohol when they were conceived or when they were young. Many moved once a year every year of their young life. All of this impacts normal child development, the development of healthy attachment, the healthy ability to regulate emotions and behavior. The child gets older and starts having "problems." We end up labeling the symptoms as a mood disorder, an anxiety disorder, a behavior disorder, an adjustment disorder. Depending on the family's level of understanding and insight, they might be able to recognize the underlying issues and actually address the root of the problem. But for most this is not the case. They focus on the current problems, focus on the need for medication, focus on how therapy is absolutely necessary or isn't helping at all. Few parents/caretakers take any responsibility or role in the process of change. They want me to fix their kid. And they don't understand when I don't. They don't understand that change can be a slow process. The almighty State of Illinois and it's lovely Medicaid system also doesn't understand that change is a slow process. Teach coping skills, get them in, get them stable, and get them out. All of these pressures. Little positive reinforcement. They leave me feeling like "what's the point, what good am I doing to anyone here?"<br />
<br />
<br />
I used to get enough positive reinforcement with the occasional hug, the occasional "thank you", the knowing in my heart a child benefitted from something we said or did together, even if their parent, guardian, or teacher didn't agree. But lately it's not been enough. I feel drained and less and less hopeful about continuing on in this field, or at least in the child/adolescent arena. At least with adults they have to answer for themselves. I need a change and need it badly. I can feel myself not caring and not doing my best, which isn't fair to my clients. I keep searching for a new job, but no luck. Not in this economy, where jobs are being cut every day and social services have lost funding. <br />
<br />
<br />
Maybe it's time to change fields, but that would likely involve quitting work or going part-time, more schooling and taking out student loans. Not the best plan when you have a mortgage and bills and your husband is also in the social service field (meaning we are both overworked and underpaid!). <br />
<br />
<br />
Until now I just have to get by a day at a time.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-43542409515089512602009-09-08T16:52:00.005-05:002009-09-09T10:20:40.094-05:00As my vacation ends...In less than 24 short hours, my vacation will be over. <br />
<br />
I absolutely HATE going back to work after having an extended period of time off. I <em>dread</em> it. Of those experiences that are, relatively speaking, pretty minor annoyances to bear (as I am lucky enough to have paid time off to enjoy) I feel it is just one of the most awful feelings to endure. I hate the feeling of not knowing what the masses of voice mail messages, the overflowing email and real mail inboxes will bring...and just going back to the day to day drudgery that I was SO looking forward to avoiding for an entire week. <br />
<br />
Most of the week has felt like one long leisurely Saturday, which, for the most part, is a good thing. Lots of me and my hubby lounging around, watching t.v. or movies, playing some computer and board games. Lots of going out to eat, which I <em>love</em> to do (probably a little too much). Did I mention that the weather was <em>perfect</em>? Sunny, cool mornings and nights, dry air, highs in the 70s. <br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">The week was broken up by a visit from my good friend and her boyfriend. We ventured into the city for some of the typical Chicago tourist attractions. We arrived too late to get into the Field Museum, but we did make the Art Institute and absorbed a good deal of the second floor, including some Monets and Van Goghs, and ventured to Millennium Park for some pictures of the Bean (which I didn't even realize existed) and to take in some free jazz. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMCV-bpTxChr1bK_tF4T2Y4RVXwDf1DqadcViph-Q9vOHS4w4H_HnyhAFek5w3m-nb9CVGqin81yXiB47BGrUicadgXqGylfqA_2xuyt1EO0ZQLMMi0gd7nqGdO6bWCxHe8yODYnPWQ5C4/s1600-h/IMG_0913.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMCV-bpTxChr1bK_tF4T2Y4RVXwDf1DqadcViph-Q9vOHS4w4H_HnyhAFek5w3m-nb9CVGqin81yXiB47BGrUicadgXqGylfqA_2xuyt1EO0ZQLMMi0gd7nqGdO6bWCxHe8yODYnPWQ5C4/s320/IMG_0913.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlEQBli3l7hQ08UurrskoDJbEXjUOIoBZbh5rXga0JtyxNsT6eE4FvC1YzMr0LS1nbDT_WiVPJ9xKyKIOtVT4u3ALMTplsSAcNcRWWCuJSajyM1L0pMtt7PFIpWTmrQoav_c4EnLUWJZGS/s1600-h/IMG_0915.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlEQBli3l7hQ08UurrskoDJbEXjUOIoBZbh5rXga0JtyxNsT6eE4FvC1YzMr0LS1nbDT_WiVPJ9xKyKIOtVT4u3ALMTplsSAcNcRWWCuJSajyM1L0pMtt7PFIpWTmrQoav_c4EnLUWJZGS/s320/IMG_0915.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">Looking up inside the bean</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Ah, so quickly time goes by.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">And I feel some regrets, that we weren't more productive or didn't do "more", whatever that would be. We had some hopes of going to the zoo or the pool, neither materialized. I hoped to make a trip home to the 'rents, didn't make that either. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Here's some updated pictures of my flowers</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnpn11FqH7Fmq4vq-n8Wt2vBtI8rWDKLKouKK4cl_zbjxVIjcT2xyG_SyKFigB7MXblyMXChgIbpAPMSIU5k2FFYRRNjWDQdbs5FDk7z-BUX0fxgE-fhJkYB2CukC_6WJWVyjk20rkJvl9/s1600-h/IMG_0918.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnpn11FqH7Fmq4vq-n8Wt2vBtI8rWDKLKouKK4cl_zbjxVIjcT2xyG_SyKFigB7MXblyMXChgIbpAPMSIU5k2FFYRRNjWDQdbs5FDk7z-BUX0fxgE-fhJkYB2CukC_6WJWVyjk20rkJvl9/s320/IMG_0918.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2kIbVF9VwPQMzwmyEo7g9cwzTfgMahOMDmk0sQ1O2s5kqV8FRaWUYhJ9MmNJ7DYzr5ZKj8WMy2duTneej4yeP6FpQgbjQ6gWF0Ab-mfA8qAXy7DbWl1mbL7RMePI823Z1J_tdfV8RFHoc/s1600-h/IMG_0919.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2kIbVF9VwPQMzwmyEo7g9cwzTfgMahOMDmk0sQ1O2s5kqV8FRaWUYhJ9MmNJ7DYzr5ZKj8WMy2duTneej4yeP6FpQgbjQ6gWF0Ab-mfA8qAXy7DbWl1mbL7RMePI823Z1J_tdfV8RFHoc/s320/IMG_0919.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZfr4gxSVCmX8t6F8NqwV9MUBNpGfDH2PuNb3Ak4baqFw64gHCsSErgea-X_QVBNvPnFh3vMJHkeCitVXY8RQlz2DFRR_jWLacvZgK1YAlLkOlj-j1WbUxRSuFgFsh7i8xPZZTTrVtGIxb/s1600-h/IMG_0920.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZfr4gxSVCmX8t6F8NqwV9MUBNpGfDH2PuNb3Ak4baqFw64gHCsSErgea-X_QVBNvPnFh3vMJHkeCitVXY8RQlz2DFRR_jWLacvZgK1YAlLkOlj-j1WbUxRSuFgFsh7i8xPZZTTrVtGIxb/s320/IMG_0920.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">As I watch them grow, bloom, flower, and fade, I am sadly reminded that summer is nearing its end. At least the next season is fall--I <em>love</em> fall.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">And I can't wait for more time off.</div>Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-54677797041009442382009-08-31T19:48:00.001-05:002009-09-09T10:22:31.372-05:00Waiting...If I can just make it through the next 13 hours I will be on vacation!<br />
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The term "vacation" seems deceiving, as I am not going anywhere tropical or exotic or far away. It resulted out of a combination of needing to take so many unpaid days off by the end of September (thanks to the <em>lovely</em> economy), having a LOT of unused vacation time to use before the end of the year, and also really needing a big fat BREAK from solving the problems of south suburban Chicago youth (on public aid insurance). But I do have plans to do some chillin', some exploration of Chicagoland landmarks I have yet to explore, a visit from a good friend...looking forward to it all!<br />
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So of course today as I am trying wrap things up at the office, during my final session of the day the guardian storms out of the office, tells me I "can have her" (his adoptive daughter) and leaves the premises. He eventually comes back, upset, not wanting to take her home, so I grab my supervisor to do a safety plan. She was surprisingly helpful and supportive. We came up with a plan for them to leave together safely and agreeably. I ended up staying 35 minutes over, but it had to be done. They couldn't leave in that state. <br />
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Now I am on-call til 8am. <br />
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So I wait....(<em>big sigh)</em><br />
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Hopefully later I will have more updates and some stories of my stay-cation!Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-31761710058927738062009-08-24T10:44:00.005-05:002009-08-25T03:53:02.199-05:00Post Script<strong>Ah, the joys of marriage.</strong><br />
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Being only two and a half years in, I am still learning every day, and boy, do I still have <strong>alot</strong> to learn. (Too bad <em>alot</em> isn't a word.)<br />
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Yesterday my husband and I shared a wonderful day. We ate lunch at his parents' house, spent a little time with our 3 year old nephew, went to see <em>Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince</em>, did a little grocery shopping, ate dinner together, watched the <em>Sex and the City</em> movie on t.v. (without being forced against his will). Nice, relaxing, enjoyable time spent together.<br />
<br />
Then I got up to get some juice from the fridge.<br />
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He just <em>had</em> to complain that I left the refrigerator open while pouring my drink, and I just <em>had</em> I tried to defend my actions (<em>was it really that big of a deal? was I really wasting that much more electricity</em>?). Before I know it he's angry, I'm angry. <em>Blah</em>. Good day down the crapper.<br />
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Often after these spats I try to step back and take a look at our relationship. In so many ways I am the man and he is the woman. He is the planner, the organizer. And he is the one who nags and complains. I tend to be more go with the flow, even a little impulsive at times. I tend to react and sometimes be passive-aggressive instead of straightforward. For being a therapist, I am pretty crappy at communication, at least at being straightforward and direct. Often it seems that my husband <em>overcompensates</em> by being, in my opinion, too forward and direct.<br />
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But in many ways I am the woman. I am the one who does the dishes and laundry. I clean the house, which I actually like to do when I have the time. I run on emotions, at least when I am home (hopefully less so at work).<br />
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And in many ways he is the man. He is the "fixer" of all things broken, whether it be a tile, a shower door, or plans. He does most of the outdoor stuff, like the mowing, the trimming, the car-related repairs. He runs on rationalism and logic, in fact I dare say that Spock is his idol.<br />
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And some days, most days, most of the time, it all meshes. But then, every once in awhile, we hit a snag.<br />
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They say communication is the key to a good relationship. I think it is one of the keys, but so is ultimate patience, forgiveness, humility, acceptance, and selflessness. <em>Seesh</em>! That's a tall order! And trust me, none of those traits come easy all the time.<br />
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So, I know we'll hit sore spots, snags, and snaffoo's. But I also know in 2 1/2 years of marriage and 5 years together that getting through all of the tough times has ultimately brought us closer and, hopefully, more tolerant and understand of our differences. After all, some of those differences is what initially attracted us to each other in the first place!Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-28422610025137512292009-08-23T23:24:00.003-05:002009-08-23T23:36:02.142-05:00Salad dressingI was recently contemplating how the recent flurry of craziness in my life (work being crazy and mom being sick) has actually helped me and my husband to grow closer. Not that we were drifting far apart, but we had been settling into a routine that limited some of our communication as of late. You know, get home from work late, eat, watch t.v., check email and facebook, go to bed, day after day. We were becoming a little complacent. With so much going on, suddenly we were talking more about many things, emotional things, important things. Through the struggles we find our true blessings.<br /><br />He's been a great source of love and support and I feel truly grateful to have him.<br /><br />We are pretty different personality-wise, my husband and I. Some days, we complement each other beautifully, like oil and vinegar, or peanut butter and jelly (or better yet, chocolate).<br /><br />Today was a beautiful, salad dressing like day til about an hour ago.<br /><br />Then suddently it was more like oil and water.<br /><br /><em>Sigh. </em>Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-60625004088136249992009-08-20T18:24:00.002-05:002009-08-20T18:26:37.416-05:00Oh and about that job hunt...And, as a P.S. to my multiple rantings about job hunting, in the past 2 weeks I have had a total of <strong><em>3 </em></strong>responses from applications/resumes I submitted on Careerbuilder.com.<br /><br /><em>It's about f-ing time!!!!!!</em><br /><em></em><br />We'll see about the results.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-55568042546880941342009-08-20T13:59:00.002-05:002009-08-20T14:03:46.243-05:00Thank You!I just want to take some time to say a huge THANK YOU to all my friends near and far who have been so supportive of me during the past several weeks. Thanks for being sounding boards, support beams, and ears for listening to my venting and whining and complaining.<br /><br />I hope I can be there for all of you when you need it the most. It's the least I can do. And, while it's so cheesy, that's what friends are for.<br /><br />I am truly blessed with so many wonderful people in my life, and when life is down it's easy to forget the good things and focus on the bad things.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-25368782129698367692009-08-18T08:20:00.004-05:002009-08-18T08:36:23.928-05:00So I've been a little preoccupied...Last week was a LONG and trying week.<br /><br />Let's just say work has taken a turn. I said too many times "my boss has been better lately", "better" meaning a little less control freak micro-managing neurotically critical, hovering, and just "bossy". And last week it came back to bite me in the ass with email after email after voice message about this and that and the other. Although I have to take responsibility for some things too...some situations where I could have made better choices or at least kept her informed instead of feeling I should or could handle it by myself. Is that pride? Pride tends to get us in trouble.<br /><br />Of course all of this is going on and my clients are running away, tantruming, threatening their parents, parents threatening to put them in the hospital, etc. etc. All my kids seemed to blow up last week.<br /><br />Then there's my mom. Oh where to start? She was hospitalized for three days after complaining she felt dizzy, apparently her blood sugar was low, among other things like her potassium, hemoglobin, iron. Bascially her body is completely out of whack. It is because my mom has an eating disorder, coupled with a stomach ulcer, acid reflux, and a lifetime of depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems. She has had the eating disorder openly for like 6 years now and really isn't getting any better. She's in therapy but honestly I don't think it's helping, simply because she isn't using it to change. I don't think she is ready or wants to. So all last week I am talking to her on the phone, trying to encourage her but myself feeling pretty hopeless. This must be how it feels to be family member of a chronic drug user. They say they will try and get better and just keep on going out and getting high. I went to see her this past weekend and just didn't even know what to say most of the time, though I could say it plainly to my husband, my brother, my friends. I fear mom isn't going to be around much longer, that she's choosing this fate, and that I just have to accept it.<br /><br />I wish it weren't the case but it is.<br /><br />Yesterday was another LONG work day. I am trying to stay positive as much as possible but it is so hard right now. The only things I have to look forward to are a week off coming up soon, though I wish it were sooner.<br /><br />Let's just see what the rest of this week brings.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-39496329120837213282009-08-04T11:03:00.008-05:002009-08-05T22:13:43.291-05:00What's so great about it being late?<strong><em>Can somebody explain to me what is the big freakin' deal about staying up late?</em></strong><br /><br />OK, maybe it was "fun" when we were younger because it was forbidden, it was naughty, it was testing limits. As an adult, I just don't get it. Is it wrong to like to get up when the sun gets up(well, relatively soon afterwards) and go to bed not long after it gets dark?? (we're not talking about going to bed at 6pm in December, but you get the idea!) Is it wrong to get 8 hours of sleep during the span of time we label as "night?" Is is wrong to do recreational and social events in the, heaven forbid, <em>afternoon</em>????!!!!<br /><br />Last night, we were driving home after hanging out for awhile at my brother-in-law's condo. We ate some Mexican and were watching the Cubs game. After the game, we mutually decided to leave. In the car, my husband teasingly said I am "older" than him; he was referring to the fact that, in general, I don't like to stay up late and when I try to stay up I am often falling asleep. Unfortunately we are complete opposites in this respect. He is a total night owl, will stay up til the wee hours of the evening (or is it really morning??) and then sleep in late. I am not a 5:00 am type of person, but I would rather get up around 7:00 am and go to bed between 10:00 and 11:00am (probably closer to 10). Tell me, <em>is this bad??</em><br /><br />Well, apparently it is for our social life. When we moved to Tinley Park, we anticipated hanging out more with my husband's family, typically his brothers, cousins, and all of their significant others. My husband's brothers and cousins still are in the "let's go out to the bars" kind of mentality. And often it's last minute, calling us up when I am already in my pajamas and half asleep. Sure, in college I could somehow muster up the motivation to get up, change, and go out. But nowadays the comfort of my bed just is too strong. It would be different if people called the day before so I had some notice and would know not to start getting all cozy come 8 or 9pm. Or, better yet, if it was at an earlier hour altogether. Why does going out <em>have</em> to be after 10pm?? What happens then that can't happen in the afternoon or early evening? <strong>This is my burning question</strong>. A beer or mixed drink doesn't taste as good when the sun is up? Bean bags, pool, karaoke aren't as fun in the light? And why does it <em>always</em> have to involve alcohol?? (Which I think will be an entirely other blog post) So, typically, we have passed on offers to go out. And now we rarely get a call. We hear after the fact about weekends out at the bars and feel a little left out, but also knowing we probably didn't miss much of anything too spectular. We have called the same people to come over to our house for an afternoon of board games or watching sports on t.v. Usually they pass at our offer.<br /><br />I have never been a night person. I was always one of the first ones to fall asleep at slumber parties and miss the late night gossip and crazy goings on. (Luckily I never woke up with shaving cream on my face or with someone holding my hand in warm water, which supposed makes you pee your pants). I am chronically falling asleep infront of the t.v. My husband has learned to never start watching movies with me after 8:00pm because I am highly likely not to make it through to the end. About 9:30 pm my eyes start to get droopy, I get pleasantly sleepy, and after 10:00 pm my brain starts shutting down for the night (unless I am moving around alot). I don't know what it is. The comfort of home, a cozy bed/couch, snuggled up next to my hubby...warm feelings of safety and security. But are they making me boring? And am I taking my husband down with me?<br /><br />The good thing is my husband was over going out and drinking like three years ago. I like to be social, occasional drinking is fine, bars can be fun but often are loud and potentially boring. But hey, I like to sleep. At night.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-58872534672209724962009-08-01T08:50:00.004-05:002009-08-01T08:52:27.649-05:00The epilogueAh, a cool breeze blows through the window in our den. Nice.<br /><br />A few days later, the feelings of disappointment and rejection have faded. The only question now is do I forge on and continue this fruitless job hunt or just try to be content with what I have.<br /><br />Any thoughts?Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-14702807672588561952009-07-30T08:12:00.008-05:002009-07-30T08:53:04.403-05:00Disappointment and rejectionAbout three weeks ago I went on a job interview. The interview seemed to go well from my perspective (I generally think they do). I called last Friday and they were still making decisions, but at that time I was still "in consideration", which started my weekend off with a hopeful feeling. Yesterday I got the impersonal form email that the position had been filled and thank you for your interest. I couldn't help but to feel disappointed. And rejected. Yet again.<br /><br />I know you can't take this kind of rejection personally. And I don't. Mostly.<br /><br />In the past two years I have been on nine interviews. Maybe that's not alot, maybe it is. (not to mention I have sent out probably over 100 resumes through Careerbuilder.com--again, not sure where in cyberspace those actually go--have emailed out probably close to 50 copies of my resume, and mailed out around 10 hard copies--which doesn't sound like many!!) Out of all nine interviews I have never had a formal offer of full-time employment. One place offered me to work as an independent contractor part-time, but I would have to keep my current job to have benefits, and working two jobs just isn't want I wanted to do. I look back on all of the positions, two were working as college counselors, a career direction I have really wanted to take all along. I am sure I lost out to someone with more relevant experience, as most of my experience is working with kids. Two positions were working at a medical group, two were at agencies working with kids with developmental issues, two were working at another social service agency, one was working in foster care. All were somehow different than my current job, a different setting, slightly different population. Different hours. Just different. I know different isn't always better, but when you are getting burned out and feeling stuck where you are at, different sounds wonderful.<br /><br />My whole goal is to find a job 1) with better hours and no on-call responsibilites 2) where I can work more independently and have more say in how I manage cases, not have a supervisor micro-manage me and can actually feel like I am using my clinical license 3) have opportunities to gain new and different experiences and to actually move up and not stay at the same level I have for 5 years now. These frustrations make me want to forge ahead, but with so much rejection and disappointing results I am losing my motivation. And after all, a month ago I was just lucky to have my job. Right?<br /><br />I remember feeling this same sense of rejection when I was applying for graduate school. Foolishly, I applied mostly to Clinical Psychology Ph.D. programs, even when I told they were highly competitive and with my B.A. from Eastern Illinois, not the most prestigious of universities, it was unlikely I would get accepted, even with a 4.0 and all kinds of other honors and accomplishments on my application. So I eagerly awaited news, anxiously emailed contact people asking when decisions would be made. Started receiving disappointing emails and letters in the mail. The worst was from the University of Illinois. I had been emailing them back and forth asking about when they were making decisions, until one day in my inbox it read loud and clear "APPLICATION REJECTED." I am serious! My opinion of the high and mighty U of I changed that day. Eventually I was accepted into two Master's programs, and I took the one that offered me the graduate assistantship and tuition waiver. And now I realize if I didn't go to ISU I likely wouldn't have worked in Bloomington and likely wouldn't have met my husband. So it was all meant to be, right?<br /><br />As I look back, I think, well maybe this job wasn't meant to be, maybe it wasn't the job for me. Sure, it was better hours, working for a hospital/medical group. But it was a longer commute (15-30 minutes longer), working all with teenagers, which definitely has major pro's and major con's. Or maybe I am just really meant to stay where I am at for some reason. Somedays it's not too bad, I have some pretty cool clients now, but once they are doing better we have to close them anyway. So many co-workers have come and gone since I started I feel I only have connection with a handful.<br /><br />As the Clash said, <em>"Should I Stay or Should I Go?" </em><br /><br />I want to go, nowhere else wants me.<br /><br />Is the grass really greener? At this point I just want to be able to stand on that grass and find out for myself.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-42024586989142729442009-07-24T09:28:00.004-05:002009-07-25T10:33:38.315-05:00Pet peeves and general rants<em>Happy Friday!</em><br /><br />Do you notice how people are never quite happy with the weather? It's always either too hot, too cold, too wet, too dry. Luckily here in Illinois if you don't like the weather just wait a day and it's bound to change, or so they say. It's been an unseasonably cool July here in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Chicagoland</span>. Personally, I am enjoying this bought of slightly cooler, drier weather. I know it's July and it should be 90 degrees with 100% humidity, but hey, I don't have a pool, a boat, or a million dollars to spend air conditioning my house. Plus I just love being able to sleep with the windows open!<br /><br />On that note, just a few general rants to start off my Friday. Today is the last day for some of my co-workers. About half of the people initially who were given lay off notices were called back due to changes in the state budget, which was a blessing. However, for those leaving today, the feeling is bittersweet.<br /><br />On another work related note, last week I experienced a week long bought of severe burn out. I heard long ago when I said those magic words "<em>I want to work with kids</em>" that there is a high rate of burn out for clinicians working with children. Last week I felt it--in my aching neck and shoulders, my exhausted body, my short temper, my cloudy mind. My patience was very low. I just wanted to say to parents, "sorry, your kid is a brat, what do you want me to do about it? maybe if you were home more, maybe if you didn't have 5 different boyfriends in 5 years" or "sorry, your kid is hyperactive. You shouldn't have smoked while you were pregnant" (I believe research states this is true, but if not I have enough <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">anecdotal</span> evidence to back this one up) and I wanted to tell a few of my kids "quit whining! grow up! tell the truth! take a bath! bullshit! or WTF???"<br /><br /><strong>EEE<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">EK</span>!</strong><br /><br />Not so therapeutic. Luckily, I never expressed any of these thoughts to my clients. Though, for some of them, hearing the brutal truth may be what they need....therapy is so weird sometimes! I work with kids for several months, maybe a year. Sometimes I see them grow and change, if I am lucky I see their parent grow and change too. Sometimes I see change, and the parent insists there is none. I hear the same complaints week after week, I listen, empathize, give suggestions. Nothing changes. Are we wasting <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">every one's</span> time? I even asked a client and mother this last night. They never said yes. If anything, I try to help a kid recognize their own strengths and talents. I figure even if my client and their parent continue duking it out at home hopefully he/she will remember someday that someone helped them to see the good they have inside. Everyone has some, I do believe that.<br /><br />On a less serious but more acutely annoying note, I HATE when I leave people voice messages and they either never call me back or they call back but CLEARLY didn't listen to my message. So annoying! You see you have a message, listen to it. Parents of my clients do this all the time!!! I leave messages with appointment times, and clearly they didn't listen to it. I have learned to never leave my parents <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">voicemails on their cell phones</span>. I have shown them each like a hundred times how to check voicemail and they still can't do it. So I leave them a message on their old school home answering machine, which they still barely check, but at least know how.<br /><br />Also, I HATE when you go on interviews and they say they will call you to let you know when they have made a decision. In my experience, this rarely happens. If you are lucky, three months later you get a form letter or email that says sorry, someone else was better qualified, but best of luck in your career search. I HATE even more when you email or call and leave messages with the people who interviewed you, who say at the end of your interview to contact them with any questions, and they never respond. I guess I wouldn't want to have to call someone and say "sorry, we didn't hire you" but at least you can send a nice, impersonal email! Silence often speaks volumes, but I would rather just know for sure to move on. However, recently I did get a return message from an interviewer that someone else was hired, and I told her that I really appreciated her calling me back. And I did.<br /><br />Another major pet peeve--bad spelling of common words and misused grammar. I am talking simple grammar, like using words like <em>there</em> and <em>their </em>incorrectly<em>. </em>Or when my boss sends out memos or emails with misspelled words, Word and Outlook do have Spell Check. I know how famous people like JFK supposedly were horrible spellers and still succeeded, and I don't expect people to know how to spell words you would find on the GRE vocab test, but seriously, c<em>ome on! It drives me a little nutty!</em><br /><em></em><br />Anyway, so I guess I should get back to work<em>.</em>Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-38992047202449376332009-07-21T10:43:00.003-05:002009-07-21T10:53:37.982-05:00Taking time to smell my flowers<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhexEWxzuTYBh1Z37cXKgm7n6IPZJytI5GhbtsUb0_ykalf74Y1iFnVBOhUgENN3G_5AvZ7uVrNEzNR4uJHgrskzF7WBGnQe6Vh96nfy1DLo1yIbWGny12OTOrF6l4ePT-DfcXFtNcxo13h/s1600-h/IMG_0912.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5360940528768579986" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 225px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhexEWxzuTYBh1Z37cXKgm7n6IPZJytI5GhbtsUb0_ykalf74Y1iFnVBOhUgENN3G_5AvZ7uVrNEzNR4uJHgrskzF7WBGnQe6Vh96nfy1DLo1yIbWGny12OTOrF6l4ePT-DfcXFtNcxo13h/s400/IMG_0912.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>A day or two after I took the last picture, I saw that the wildflowers I had planted around the side of the house had finally opened up. This picture doesn't do them much justice--I was delighted to see bright pinks and deep blues and warm purples appear! Next to it I also planted a bluish/purple hydrangea plant which was on clearance, it wasn't looking so good but I hope to use my newfound gardening skills to nurse it back to health. About a month or so ago my husband bought me a set of gardening tools (I think they were on sale with a rebate from Menards. Save Big Money at Menards! He LOVES Menards!) so at least he's encouraging my habits :) </div><div></div><div>I was also excited today to find growing in my vegetable garden two green tomatoes and a cucumber about the size of a baby's finger. Also a few of the agapanthus bulbs I planted just sprouted stalks and may flower soon...I am dorky for being excited about all of this???</div>Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-66575770089931887942009-07-12T10:24:00.003-05:002009-07-12T10:32:43.126-05:00As my garden grows<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbwJVbiqzuoSsul1j6oAKiDsZ-7KmeSkWrpGdMr1qjCSES5ZpEmtXvPrL7OdcN9xe5DSr-2dN36tZ278X4o75ekPNsQREkebxQWmafuQ1RpVHN-bj16mEs9igNwCsyxOHz96qNCxWhhPIf/s1600-h/IMG_0878.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357595449631461570" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 180px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbwJVbiqzuoSsul1j6oAKiDsZ-7KmeSkWrpGdMr1qjCSES5ZpEmtXvPrL7OdcN9xe5DSr-2dN36tZ278X4o75ekPNsQREkebxQWmafuQ1RpVHN-bj16mEs9igNwCsyxOHz96qNCxWhhPIf/s320/IMG_0878.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><p>So it's been awhile; after finding out I still have a job it seems that I have either been busy working (at my job), working outside on our yard, going to family gatherings, or just sleeping!</p><p>So here's the status of my garden/flowerbed. As you can see, the little white flowers are the only things blooming so far, but there's lots of green (which is good! except for the ones we aren't sure are weeds or flowers, so far I am giving them the benefit of the doubt). I was pretty amazed watching my little bulbs and seeds start to germinate and grow. I can't help but be amazed by the simple beauty of nature sometimes, how a little water and alot of sunshine is all plants need to live and flourish.</p>Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-66749239914702356532009-06-24T20:20:00.003-05:002009-06-24T20:29:50.871-05:00Hitting Home Part IIToday several people at my work got their 30 day notice. I was not one of them. In a twist of fate, luck, or what have it, my program was completely spared. Apparently the state will continue funding our program at the same rate as last year. But other programs were not as fortunate. Needless to say it was a tense and somber atmosphere. I feel lucky, but guilty at the same time, for staying behind and for also not feeling as grateful as I should for still having my job.<br /><br />The worst thing I heard though was that over that past weekend, a former adult client of the agency committed suicide. Apparently, they were told last week that their services were ending and they felt they had no one else. I heard this story second hand, so I don't know all of the details. Whatever happened, it is tragic.<br /><br />The whole situation is tragic.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416755247061284376.post-3860682102621517622009-06-21T17:47:00.005-05:002009-06-22T10:10:43.311-05:00Hitting homeLast week at work the President of my agency called two emergency meetings. The first was to announce that due to the State of Illinois budget crisis, major funding cuts were looming and if passed this would lead to many programs being eliminated or reduced and possible layoffs. The second meeting stated with more certainty that 25% of the staff would be layed off and the announcements of who would be cut come this Tuesday and Wednesday. Pretty bleak news. Unfortunately it's happening all over the State, social service agencies are laying off staff or even closing their doors. The State can't balance it's budget and the current "solution" is to slash funding for social services. Everyone I have talked to feels that in the long run this will make things worse, ERs will be overflowing, mentally ill and disabled will be without services and out on the streets, <em><strong>chaos.</strong></em><br /><br />A co-worker said her supervisor hinted that our programs would be OK and survive the cuts. I don't know how to feel. I know several co-workers who have gotten all but the official news that their programs are being eliminated. If I stay, I will probably feel guilty. And I am always complaining about my job anyway, so being layed off and eligible for unemployment while searching for a new job might be a blessing in disguise. Of course finding a job will be hell, since I would be competing with thousands of other laid off social workers and counselors and would have to seek employment somewhere NOT funded by the state...<br /><br />Unfortunately my husband works in social services too and his agency is facing the same cuts.<br />The bad economy is definitely hitting home.Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704350029442616520noreply@blogger.com2