..."I will follow..."

I am such a follower.

I always have been, I think I even wrote in one college scholarship essay that I was more of a follower than a leader, but then I explained the value of a follower. After all, if we were all leaders then how would work ever get done? Who would do it? And we have all heard expressions like "too many chiefs and not enough Indians" or "too many cooks in the kitchen" or whatever that one is. Maybe I am just rationalizing my own fault. But seriously, we can't all be the stereotypical leader, right?

Thoughts of how I am a follower came to me yesterday, after I bought my first Cubs t-shirt. Let me help you understand why this is significant. I grew up in Southern Illinois, where we are closer to St. Louis than Chicago (and tend to disassociate ourselves with Chicago and anything Chicagoan) and my father is a HUGE St. Louis Cardinal's fan. He raised me to love Whitey and Ozzie and Swingin' Stan the Man. The first professional sporting event I ever attended was a Cards game at the old Busch stadium with my father and brother. And a part of me will always feel a loyalty to the Cards. It's probably mostly sentimental.

So, enter my husband, who is a HUGE Cubs fan (as well as Bulls and Bears). In our 5 years together, part of me has been absorbing the hours spent watching Cubs games, not to mention all the sports commentary shows on t.v. (and the radio). Gradually, through watching the games with him and hearing him talk about the team, I got to know the current players, found guys I really liked and wanted to root for, and found myself rooting for the team. I felt the same frustration and devastation (though I am sure not to the extreme level) of other Cubs fans last fall when for the second year in a row they froze in the play offs and got swept.

So, how does this all make me a follower? Michael (my husband) never coerced me into liking the Cubs. I ask myself, if he hadn't been a fan, would I be a fan now? It makes me think about so many other things that I like to do, the shows I like to watch, music I listen to, and I think about how what I like tends to change depending on who I am around. For instance, I didn't play strategy games before I met my husband. In fact, as I think back, I have always tended to take on interests and activities of my boyfriends and friends, but not the other way around. For example, the music I listen to will change depending on who I am spending the most time with, but I am not sure that any boyfriends or friends have ever taken on my musical interests.

I guess a better term to describe me is"easily influenced". Or also "gullible". No, I guess that's a different ball of wax.

I guess by now (almost 30) I would hope that I would have a pretty developed sense of self and who I am and what I like or don't like. Part of me is a natural pleaser. But I guess another part of me is just open to new things and new experiences. But there is a negative connotation to being a "follower". Like we are the people who can't make up our own minds and just mindlessly fall in line and do whatever we are told. I am guilty of this at times. But sometimes I will march to the beat of my own drummer, I just tend to do it quietly.

I hope at some point that I have some interest that is something I discovered and cultivated on my own that I can in turn share with others.

Happiness=Fattiness

"She's like a baby, I'm like a cat, When we are happy, we both get fat"
-from "Life in a Nutshell" by Barenaked Ladies



Most mornings I like to watch the "Today" show while getting ready. Today I saw a segment that particularly interested me. It was about how both men and women typically gain weight after getting married. They cited several reasons: picking up each other's bad habits (like eating infront of the t.v.), eating out more or having more time centered around food (making dinner, shopping for food), and of course, just getting comfortable and letting go a bit. I think I am guilty of all of these, which maybe explains why in the past year or so I have put on 7-8 pounds. And though I am sure he wouldn't like me to share this, since we started dating (even before we got married) my husband has put on some weight (I will be discreet and not say how much).



When I got married, I was at the smallest weight I had been in a long time, not quite my high school weight, but the closest I had been in awhile. I didn't really have the pre-wedding stress-induced massive weight loss, rather over the year or so before that I just seemed to lose a few pounds here and there. I hadn't drastically changed my diet, but I was working out 2-3 times a week (probably more like 2) and also just seemed to be a little more active overall. Since getting married, those warm and fuzzy feelings of safety and comfort have set in, which on one hand is nice, but as a result I am probably getting too lax about watching what and how much I eat. A few years ago there was a period of time I seemed to be able to eat whatever and I maintained a lower weight. I am guessing that my metabolism was higher then, and it seems to have slowed down in the past year, but then again so have I. And of course it doesn't help that 3 days of the week I work late and don't get home until between 8:30-9:30pm, typically working without a dinner break, meaning I am eating at like 9 or 10pm and then going to bed shortly after that. On top of it all, as I approach the big 3-0, it seems inevitable that my body will start playing evil tricks on me. So far my clothes all still fit, but some are noticeably tighter and don't seem to look as good.



So what should I do? Well, it's all pretty common sense. Currently, I am only working out 1-2 times a week, which obviously needs to increase. I should also probably try to push myself a little more when I am working out, to stay on the tread mill a little longer, to do a few more reps. And then in my free time, both my husband and I need to work on being less couch potatoes/bears in hibernation, although these will be easier if it ever gets warmer again! And of course watching what I eat. Not just what, but how much. So we'll see how it goes.

Dream interpretation

So those of you who know me have heard me complain more than once (probably too much) about my current job, and probably more specifically about my boss. That being said, last night I had such a weird dream. I was at the office (which seemed alot like my childhood home) and I watched as two rocketships, carrying my boss and some unknown fictional co-workers, crashed and exploded, creating a giant mushroom cloud. I remember in the dream feeling some relief that my boss was gone, then some guilt. (Then after that yet another ship went up with some fictional co-workers and again crashed, you would have thought they would have gotten the idea after the first one). I woke up feeling guilty for having such a dream, and first thought that I would never wish that my boss or anyone would die, no matter how hard she is to deal with. But then I remembered having thoughts of major relief and on the days she's unexpectedly been out sick and maybe even wishing she would stay sick for awhile! Eek! That realization screams bad karma! So subconsciously I clearly don't want to have to deal with my boss anymore, that's my take. Any other ideas??